Episode 2: When the Praise Stops and the Pressure Starts

As a woman executive, you’ve likely experienced this moment: one day you’re being praised and celebrated, the next you’re facing scrutiny and second-guessing your every move. In this episode, I’m unpacking what’s really happening when the applause fades, and why it’s not always about your performance. We’ll explore how systemic bias manifests in leadership, how to distinguish between unfair criticism and helpful feedback, and why staying connected to a trusted community is crucial for resilience. If you’ve been silently wondering, “Is it me?” this conversation is the perspective shift you’ve been needing.

Stay Connected with LaToya

🌐 leadbydesignlab.com
💼 Connect on LinkedIn
📅 Book a Discovery Call
🖊️ Get the She Leads & SucceedsTM Executive Planner

Transcript

LaToya: [00:00:00] Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of She Leads and Succeeds , a podcast that goes beyond surface level leadership chatter, and really offers real talk, real strategy, and radical support. My name is Latoya Jordan, and I am just so thrilled to use this platform to share with you all as executive women.

The things that I've learned when I was an executive in organizations as well as now as a coach to executive women. I am just thrilled to share insights with you from not only my personal experience being in this space, but also the types of things that I share with my clients to help them to not only survive in these organizations, but truly, truly thrive, and to kind of know what's coming around the corner and how to strategize and or mitigate scenarios that may be coming up for them.

So I'm excited to be [00:01:00] here, y'all. Let's, let's just get right to it. So for today's episode, I really wanna talk about a red flag that I have seen time and time and again pop up for women executives. And I just wanted to illuminate some things for you all so that you are prepared with the right tools if this ever comes up for you.

So, lemme just paint a quick picture. Let's say, you know, you might have come into your executive role. Through an external track where you were hired externally to assume this executive role, or you might've been someone who grew up in the organization and, and grew in leadership, and now you have a seat at the executive table.

And in these early days, right, in the, maybe even the first year, you are heralded, right? Your, your work is receiving high praise. People are like, oh my gosh, she's amazing. Look at what her team has done. Look at what the numbers she's bringing in. Look at, you know. Whatever the goal is that has been set, you are smashing it, right?

And people are noticing it and acknowledging it. So you're feeling really, [00:02:00] really good. And then all of a sudden the praise stops and the pressure starts and it gets, the pressure just gets mounting, keeps mounting and keeps mounting. You're like, what is going on? And you realize that you're not only getting less praise, but you're getting more scrutiny.

You're like, what just happened? I went to bed one day. You know, you all praising me. And then I woke up the next day and I'm getting all of this scrutiny about my work, about my team, about my numbers, what happened. And the thing that I will share with my clients is that the first thing that. We typically do is we internalize it, oh my God, where, what did I do wrong?

What's wrong with me? If I lost my, you know, if I've lost my, my competencies, you know, am I behind on things as far as like, you know, industry trends, like what's happening? And you immediately internalize that. And I would just offer that before you go there. Know that there are other things at play, or this may [00:03:00] not actually be about you, your skill level, or.

Anything about how you have been, you are likely still amazing, but there are other things. Kind of systemic things that might be at play. And so one of the things I try to tell leaders, um, women leaders, is that quite frankly, the research shows that women leaders are often faced like a shorter honeymoon face than men.

And that's for a, a number of reasons. I remember there was this research done by McKenzie where they talked about how women find themselves having to prove themselves. Each time, right? It's like, do what? Can she do it again? Oh, okay. She did it again. But can she do it again? Again? Right. There's this always this kind of like wonder if you can hit the rock and water comes out.

Every time you hit the rock or, oh no, that was a mi miracle, magical moment. She can never do that again. And so part of that scrutiny and less praise comes from the notion that people [00:04:00] actually don't believe you can do it again. It was a once in a lifetime moment that you did this amazing thing. Now you and I know the truth, right?

We are amazing and we can do amazing things every single time, given the right support and the right tools. However, there is a notion in the system that that can't be true. And so the scrutiny is because they don't believe that you actually are consistently that good. That's one part. Part two of it's also like there is this thing called like confirmation bias and it, what happens is that if any little thing, and I mean little thing happens that might show little tat of concern, maybe, you know, oh wait, I need to check that again.

They're like. I knew it. I knew she couldn't do that again. I knew she wasn't as good. I knew, you know, that was a, a flashing pant kind of thing, because they're waiting for any tiny, tiny sign that confirms the bias they had about you in that seat in the first place. So it kind of sometimes become a a no win [00:05:00] scenario because who among us never makes a mistake, including the men, but the expectations for women can often create the conditions by which any little thing you do, even if your male counterpart did it, when the woman does it, it confirms what they already believed about us.

Anyway, see, so those two things can be at play. One is prove it to me again and again, and again, and again and again. Or two, I knew it. Because that confirmed what I already thought. Any dog on way. And when you add on the notion of you being a woman of color, oh the shift happens even sooner and often, even harsher.

So I say that to say what you are experience is likely real, but it being your issue. It's likely not. And so I want you to be careful not to overly internalize it and seek something that you did wrong. Right? That's, that's kind of like my first thing. I got a part two to this, so don't, don't get too comfortable, [00:06:00] but know that by and large, the system is, it has this kind of, let's call it energetic flow and ex and and thought about women in executive roles, and it's probably because.

If you really go back and look at the history, we haven't been sitting in this, these seats very long, right? We're talking about 50 something years at best, that women have been in executive level roles at this, particularly with this, this amount of women in executive level roles. So this is still new, so they're still kinda like, huh, wait, wait, she, wow, wow, wow.

No, she did it once. That was so cute. All right. Oh, wait, wait. She can do it again. Oh. Oh, right. So it's still kind of new you all, and so I guess I'm just offering not to take it personally yet. Nothing about your brilliance expired overnight. It's just that this is more about the system and the expectations that they have about how we perform than it is about your actual performance.

So what I'd want you to do is just keep your receipts [00:07:00] of what you're up to, keep your team engaged and inspired. Continue to be excellent and don't allow this moment. The lessening of applause to fade your confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table. Now, I told you I was gonna be a number two to this, right?

So here's a number two. Now what if there is something that you need to tweak? What if there is a little bit of a problem and that the scrutiny that you were getting. But be careful to distinguish between bias, scrutiny and useful feedback because you know how, you know how I feel about feedback. It's a gift.

And so what I do want you to do is like take a little moment, listen to the feedback and discern whether or not it is in fact something worth you paying attention to. If it's just hate for the sake of hate or disbelief for the sake of disbelief. Bias. For the sake of bias, I want you all to just. Smile, nod and walk away.

You might wanna show 'em a little receipt of how great you are, one more time, but you walk [00:08:00] away from what you know to be not true. But if under a slight, closer look in the microscope, you see, oh, that might, that actually is interesting. I, I do need to take a closer look. Then that's different. So in order to do that, pause, take a step back.

Do a little bit of evaluation of, of your approach, of your strategy, of the systems that your team is using. Like take a little bit of a surveillance of what might be going on and focus on your strategy and your execution, not your self blame, because again, who among us have not had an error? Or, or a failure, it's just that it's magnified when it's with us.

Right? But because we are gonna encourage a growth mindset, the work of, of Carol Dweck where it talked about, you know, how resilient leaders use these opportunities as ways of growth, as way of learning and getting and making tweaks. To get better. That's the mindset we're gonna use. We're not gonna use this as a mindset [00:09:00] of like, what was me?

Oh, you know, I'm horrible. I'm, I knew I wasn't fit for this role, or they were right. We're not doing that. Mm-hmm. We're gonna say thank you for this gift of feedback. Once we notice that it is feedback and not. That bias, um, scrutiny that I mentioned, um, before, we are gonna thank for the feedback. We're gonna make the tweaks.

We're gonna, you know, fix ourselves up, fix our team, our strategy, our execution, and bam, go back out and do what we know we can do very well. Okay? So sometimes be clear, critique is quite nonsense. But sometimes it is in fact a clue to something you need to pay attention to. So the power move is knowing the difference between the two and not overly internalizing it such that it's so much noise and stress in your mind that you can't see clearly.

You assess what you need to assess, you make the tweaks that you need to make, and you keep it moving because there is no such thing as flawless growth, but it is about being discerning, being flexible. Moving forward. [00:10:00] Okay, so that's the second thing. One, it could be bias scrutiny. Two, it could be useful feedback when the, when the applause stops, or when the scrutiny, you know when the spotlight has dimmed and now you're being scrutinized, right?

One, it could be that it's biased. Two, it could be that it's useful data. That you can leverage to make yourself and your work even better. And regardless of which of the two it is, the last thing I really wanna call to your attention is that as a woman leader, what is really, really hard is to be alone.

Particularly when the spotlight fades, because like I said, you can be in your own head, and so I don't want you to isolate yourself in those moments. I want you to find your community and let that community be a mirror, be a sounding board, be a reality check, be a you're not alone. Been there too. This is when I want you to.

Be in community with others [00:11:00] that you trust to allow you to feel your experience to say all the things you might need to say in a space that you feel safe to do so. So find your crew y'all. Find your crew that can help you sort through the feedback to know what. What just happened? What was real and what was biased, and help you to keep from getting to that place of allowing self-doubt, to turn it self-sabotage because you know, that's the next frontier that you start doubting yourself and then all of a sudden you start making big mistakes in a self-sabotage.

So be in community, be in a group that of space that supports you, you know, kitchen cabinet, a crew of women, uh, maybe you're in one of the organizations for women, whatever it is. Go to a safe space where you can be. In relation with others that you trust to let your hair down and to discuss what's going on.

There's lots of research. I don't even have to, you know, probably share with you. But there's so much research on the importance of peer networks, particularly [00:12:00] around, um, when it comes to leadership and those networks improve your resilience and your ability to like, put your shoes on and go and do it again.

Right? And so I just really, really encourage you to, to find that community. It's not a luxury, it's your armor. It's your ability to kind of protect yourself in a way that would allow you to to rest and wake up and face another day. And so I would encourage you to seek those out, whether or not it is at work or.

You know, outside of work, find someone, find someone's plural. You know, even a good group chat will, will sometimes help you when you're in a, in a spiraling moment. But whatever it is, find folks like-minded people that can understand your scenario and can get you through these rough moments when the spotlight has indeed faded.

All right, so before we go, I thought I would just offer a few, you know, things for you to think about, to see, you know, how. [00:13:00] How are you managing and how would you manage? If something like this came up for you where the spotlight started to fade, if this has been your scenario, then think about, you know, first of all, have you noticed that the apart has faded in some part of your career?

And if so, what story did you tell yourself about that? What? What was your story? Did you immediately kind of. Have some self-doubt and start to do some, you know, negative self-talk or did you have a different approach? When you have gotten feedback though, have you had to, or did you take a chance to receive it and actually check in on your processes or strategy gaps?

What did you do with that feedback? And then lastly, who is in your reality check crew, who is a part of the group of individuals who can. Help you to stop leading alone, particularly when you're in these executive spaces and may be [00:14:00] the one of only, or one of very few. Where can you go to feel that support and get the reality checks that you may need in order to, to keep sane, quite frankly.

So that's really what I have for you today. I hope that you found this topic and my thoughts on it and insights helpful. It's very, very common for the praise to stop y'all. It is a life condition, quite frankly, but the why they stop and what you need to do about it that. Is what I wanted to kind of convey so that you can have more intel as you go and, and face these types of challenges.

So when the praise does stop and the pressure does start to mount, please don't let it rock your confidence or shake who you know you to be. You know you still have it. You may need to make some tweaks, but you may not. It may be something that is out of your control. So if it is out of your control and it is systemic, it is a bias.

Then shake it off. Keep being excellent. Show [00:15:00] your receipts. If it is some feedback that is worth you noting and making some adjustments. Then make the tweaks that you need to make and then keep moving forward in excellence. And then finally, stay close to your crew. Stay in community so that you are not out trying to lead alone.

That's how we lead. That's how we succeed. That's how we move the needle on women executives in the workplace. Thank you so, so much for spending time with us today, with sharing with me, sharing with this community. I appreciate your interest in, in growing as an executive woman. If you are interested in in staying in community with us.

Please, you'll see how to do that in the show notes, but it's certainly about following us on, on, um, LinkedIn. You can also DM us on LinkedIn and figure out how we can be in, in greater community together. But for now, just wanna say thank you. Thank you, thank you, and look forward to, um, sharing more with you on our next episode.

Bye for now.