Episode 4: When Your Boss Starts Taking Over

You’ve laid the strategy, aligned your team, and led the work, and now your boss is swooping in and taking the spotlight. In this episode, I break down three reasons why your boss might suddenly become more involved, from power plays to positioning to potential team concerns. I walk you through how to assess their behavior, understand the motive behind it, and respond strategically without damaging the relationship or shrinking your leadership presence. This is one of those episodes you’ll want to save for later, especially when that little pebble of doubt starts to grow into a boulder.

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Transcript

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00:04

Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of She Leads and Succeeds,  a podcast that goes beyond the surface level of leadership chatter and really focuses on  real talk,  real strategies, and  what my true hope is, radical support. So you know me by now, I'm Latoya Jordan, and I am just thrilled, thrilled, thrilled that you've joined for another episode.  My heart's intention is really to share insight from my...

00:33

my research background as an organizational psychologist, my lived experience as an executive woman in organizations, as well as now my experience coaching phenomenal executive women across the country. And so I just want to share with you as much as I can, fast as I can, so that you all can be equipped to lead effectively and with confidence in your organizations. So today's topic, today's pebble or red flag,

01:02

As I mentioned, the term I used in our last episode, today's pebble is about something that comes up often when I'm working with leaders. Sometimes it's actually even the reason why they come to work with me is because they find that their boss is starting to take over in some way, starting to take over their work in some way. And so I thought it'd be helpful for me to share some insights that I offer them so that if that pebble starts to fester for you, you know...

01:31

You know it when you see it and you know what to do with it. Okay, so let's set the scene, right? Imagine, and this might actually be your, you've experienced this before, who knows? But let's imagine that you're leading this project, you've set the strategy, you've put in the work, you have your team aligned in their task and deliverables, and then all of a sudden you notice that your boss has swooped in a bit more. They're leaning in more, they're...

01:59

First of all, they started by just asking questions, which obviously makes sense. They might have been giving you some suggestions here and there, but now you see it's a bit more heavy-handed. They're starting to lead meetings and speaking on your behalf. They might even be speaking at larger meetings on behalf of the project. And you notice that they're actually taking a bit of the spotlight and you feel like, okay, this is my work, right? But now it feels more like our work or even their work, because they are so deeply involved.

02:28

And so when I've had clients come to me with this type of thing, we unpack it so they could see like what's really happening. We can kind of analyze what could be going on. And then if in fact it's a red flag or something we need to deal with, then they can figure out how to do that without burning the bridge or, you know, specifically ruining the relationship they might have with their boss. So there are a couple of different ways that you can see this and any of them can be true. So I just want to offer you different...

02:56

views into what this could be about, what could be going on here, and then some strategies of how to manage it, if in fact it's that thing. So I offered three. So the first one that I wanted  to suggest is the one that typically is what my clients come to me with. It's like, this is about them  taking over, positioning themselves with my work. They're trying to, you know,  make me  go, like, silence me, or not necessarily silence me, but...

03:26

They're basically trying to erase me, erase me from this work. This is a big, important project or deliverable for the organization. And they're just trying to like  grab all the spotlight and erase me from it. And that is  one way that one thing that could in fact be going on. I had a client, a few months ago now, we spoke and she felt like every time she got a project to a particular point, it was starting, like it would be a dog project when she got it. And then she would develop it, develop the relationships, some of the external relationships.

03:56

She'd create the structure and the pro- and the strategy. And then  once it got to a certain point, she just noticed this pattern of like, then her boss would swoop in  and it would start out really small with like questions and making little suggestions to later once she got it to strength,  he would swoop in and kind of take over and then typically move it off of her plate, onto his plate or onto someone else on the team's plate. And it happened more than once and she was just so  obviously frustrated and...

04:24

discouraged by what was becoming a pattern.  For that, that, does  relate to this one. When your boss is taking over the work, it kind of becomes like a position, a power play. Whether or not they're doing a power play for themselves, for someone else on the team, or they don't want you to have that power, right? Like,  let's just call that one. Like, that one is real.  People do experience it. And it is, you know, from the research,  know, rationale. It happens.  Leaders take the credit  many times.

04:53

Right? And often women are at the, you know, at the brunt of that. You know, that other people come in, swoop in and take credit for work that was done by someone else sometimes and often women. And Catalyst did some research on this as well. So this is not, you know, you're not going crazy, you're not seeing things. That could in fact be kind of what's going on underneath the surface or sometimes very overtly above the surface. It's not a reflection of you. It's not a reflection of your ability. And that's one of the things that I shared with this client because she started to like, what is wrong?

05:23

Am I doing something wrong? Why does he keep taking it from me? And I was like, it's not about you. And I hate to, and I, you know, hope I said it, you know, a little gentler, but I was kind of like, this isn't about you. This is about this person wanting some control, wanting some power, maybe sees the visibility that this project is starting to garner and they want that visibility. Maybe it's an insecurity for, you know, that they're experiencing. Maybe they used to be the ones doing that type of work and they...

05:50

they want to get the praise and the credit for that work again. They miss it. Sometimes when you move up in the organization, you don't get to enjoy the applause and praise for some of the projects that you used to get applause and praise for, because now you're further up in the organization. So maybe the person is trying to garner that again and experience and feel that again. Sometimes it's just haters. Sometimes it's just, they don't want to see you win. Like it could be a lot of that. So the point in this one is that,  in my first reflection of this scenario is that,

06:20

It is often a position uh play, a power play that  your boss may be engaging in when they begin to hover and take over work. If in fact that is the case, there are only a few things for you to consider. In this scenario, if that's the case, do what you can to call out your ownership, right? So you can start using phrases that call out your role in it, you know.

06:47

as I  outlined in my initial strategy for this work, or, you know, building the plan with my team, we develop, da-da-da. Like, are opportunities maybe in meetings where you can just kind of reinforce your role in this work, right? So you can do that if you find that this is one where your boss is just overly positioning themselves, or you want to just remind the people in the room that this was yours. You can use language to do that, but in a way that doesn't discredit your boss. went...

07:16

He just got here. But more just re-emphasizing your role, right, in the work. So if it is a power play or positioning, then you  resume the position with language. Okay? So that's one. And I did that one first because that's the one that everyone assumes is what's going on. And I wanna just acknowledge that. Yes, that could in fact be what's going on. There's lots of research that talks about it. And I want, yeah.

07:45

let's get that one off the, you know, out of the way. Now here's another reason why it might be happening. And this one is often hard for my clients to hear because the first one that I just offered is  an easier pill to swallow. We already know this stuff happens and that is, you know, someone trying to take over something  in a negative way. So when I offer it this way, people are like, what? But I'm gonna offer it here as well because I've sat in seats where this had to happen. Sometimes  leaders  will

08:15

position themselves within a project to  add credibility to the project. Now, listen, I know we don't want to hear that, but there are times where, let's say you are new to the leadership role, let's say you might have some  growth to happen, right? People need to know you don't have a reputation yet. Maybe you do have reputation, it's not a strong one. Sometimes your boss may feel like if I attach my name to it,

08:45

it will give it more gravitas. I am not saying that's right, hear me. But what I'm saying is that sometimes a leader may feel like it is necessary to add credibility to the work, to add visibility to the work, and they can perhaps even shepherd the work further than you can by yourself. And so they will attach themselves. Now, when that happens, they may not be able to tell you, because they don't want to, because they might feel like, oh, if I tell her that, she's going to feel some kind of way, she's going to...

09:14

be hurt or, you know, or think, you know, what do I have to do to prove myself here and all of that? So they'd rather just kind of stealthily come in and do this. It's not an approach I would take or that I would even coach someone to do, but I have seen it be done before. And so what would I recommend and what have I recommended folks to do when I'm like, one, assess the energy by which they are moving, right? Are they moving in this kind of, you know, big, loud?

09:43

where you can kind of see it is a posture, it is a positioning. There's a vibe to that, right, that you can kind of tell.  But if you can see that it's not really that, and they might actually be trying to be helpful, they might actually be like, yeah, well, LaToya, know, LaToya's team, da-da-da-da-da, you know, and I was leading this part, and blah, blah, blah, blah. It might just be more of a joining kind of language where they're continuing to use your name. Then take some heat off of your reaction to it, because they might just be...

10:13

trying to be helpful to you and trying to get your project in spaces and in conversations that they know their name can bring it to versus yours. Okay? So if that's the case, just again, continue to  speak truth about the work that you have laid out, the strategy that you developed, the way in which you work with your team to execute, maybe the role in which your boss has played, right? You can give a nod to him or her about that.

10:43

And move forward, don't scream to be seen and like, well, I did, I did, and pounding on the table. Don't do that. Share your receipts with confidence, with pride,  and keep going, right?  Make sure that you do it in a way that  is  acknowledging or I guess to some extent um paying homage and respect. Like, okay, I see what you're doing, thank you. And you can say that behind the scenes, but I want you to just like take stock and pause.

11:12

to get a sense of where this person is actually coming from. And if they are coming from this place of true, like, want you to win and I know that the best way is for you to hitch your wagon to me for right now  for this work, then  move in that way and move in a way that, again, you're still showing up with all your receipts of what you've done, but you don't have to have a little, you don't have to, you know, be upset and have some resistance or frustration.

11:42

with your, with it. This is just where we are in the system. Again, if you heard me in previous podcasts, I talk about like women have  have assumed these seats in like within the last 50 years. So this is, the system is still trying to catch up. You know, cultural biases and systemic issues still are pervasive in the workplace. And so your boss may know that they can get more accomplished. And so let them, right? Don't, don't go against the grain. Let them. But do it in a way that still positions you.

12:11

in the leadership seat of that work, okay? So that one is often, put that in the middle, I say it on purpose because I know that that one's hard to hear because you're like,  no, they're not. They're just coming for my work.  maybe that's why I'm telling you to assess to figure out where they're coming from. And then you can move with that awareness  and determine how to act, what's your next steps relative to that. Okay, so the last...

12:40

or  possible  rationale for  your boss kind of taking over or hovering in a way that is more intense than you've experienced. This one also is a little tough pill to swallow, but again, very realistic,  has happened to clients of mine. It's that sometimes your  boss  may not be taking over because of something political. Sometimes they're actually doing so because...

13:08

It's signal that your team has gone to them and maybe shared some concerns that they've had. And your boss is stepping in to kind of have a bird's eye view of what's going on. To step into the team dynamic or to hear how tasks are being delineated, what the tasks are, maybe be involved in the tasks to experience it for themselves. Sometimes they are doing recon to figure out what is happening, why am I getting these complaints? Let me get more involved. And so...

13:37

you need to be aware that hovering may actually indicate that your credibility is being questioned, that your leadership is being questioned. Doesn't mean that you're failing, that's not automatic, but it might mean that there is some perceptions that are at risk. Because if your boss is doing it for this reason, then there is, you know, this is absolutely a red flag, right?  There's a danger, the danger isn't about just the complaint, it's about being left out of the conversations that your team has gone beyond you and to your boss.

14:07

So you need to get into that loop so that you can address what's really going on. But the red flag might be your bosses in the meetings asking questions, running a project, or what seems like running a project, but what's really going on behind the scenes is someone or some folks have complained and your bosses still need to get involved so they can better understand what's going on, right? So that is  more of what you need to understand and why you need to understand where your boss is coming from.

14:36

Is it political? Is it they're trying to be helpful and they know that you pitching your wheel, your wagon to them will help to elevate the work? Or is it that they've experienced and heard some concerns and they're coming in to  kind of assess the situation, right? Three very different reasons, three very real reasons why your boss might be  involved in this way. So if in fact that's the case, I think the biggest thing that I've  shared with clients and that I wanna make sure I share with you is if you...

15:05

If your Spidey Sisters tells you that the latter is the reason that your team has been complaining, that maybe they didn't feel  psychologically safe,  going back to Amy Emerson's work, they don't feel psychologically safe to talk to you, so they went to your boss, that's a big deal. And so you want to,  as quickly as you figure out that that's the issue, you wanna initiate a clarity conversation with your boss. It's something like, listen, I noticed that you've been closer to this project recently.

15:33

Is there some feedback that you've heard or is something  else going on that I should know about or something specific that you want me to address that you've not seen? Like you want to just  go at it head on because that shows your boss that you are paying attention to what's going on and that you are a mature enough leader to wanna deal with it, right? That you are not looking for excuses or wanna  blame someone on your team or that person. You wanna understand what's going on.

16:02

that you wanna be kept looped in and that you wanna be proactive in making the changes that need to be made, that you want to  improve the experience that your team has. These are huge, huge things to do and to offer and to show your boss that you have that kind of care and concern for this work and for your team. So that is how you would maneuver if in fact you  get the sense that that is why this person is  becoming more and more involved. Okay, so.

16:29

Those are three angles by which if you see your, you know, see something, say something, if you see your boss getting more involved  in a task or in a project,  the actions to take, if you think it's being political, you just smile and nod and just keep reminding people of the work that you're doing. And you do that by, you know, these little phrases like, right, well, when I first came to this idea of this project, da-da-da, or the strategy that I've offered my team and that they've executed so beautifully, da-da-da-da, right? Like, so you just wanna just...

16:59

Throw those types of phrases in, never throwing your boss under the bus, but just centering yourself and your team in the conversation that you are in. So that's if you think it's political. If you think your boss is doing it to help you, I'd love for you to  have a little conversation with them to see, you know, and to, you know, see what else you might need to do so that you can eventually move away from having to be hitched to their wagon in order  to have your work be seen.

17:29

in the light that it should be. So that could be a little kind of, you know,  additional stuff that you can take in an additional conversation you can have at a one-on-one, but in public, you can certainly continue to espouse the work that you have led. And also you can kind of connect it with your boss since this is supposed to be the best way to get it to the light of day and for people to see it the way they should see it, right? At the level they should see it. So I think for that second one, you just want to make sure that you...

17:58

express your work, but in some way  in partnership with your boss, what that person contributed, but really still centering you and your team, but then you want to link it to your boss in some way, right? But then behind the scenes,  if you do feel like that, or even if they kind of give you the signal that that's what they did or why they're doing it, then you want to ask questions about how, like, what else do you need to do in order to  move in a direction where you don't need that type of direct...

18:27

to their wagon in order for things to get seen in that way. And then the last  way to see it is that maybe your team is complaining about you and your bosses there hovering and being more involved because they're trying to get a sense of what's going on. You just want to attack that directly, right? You want to just go right to that person, ask them what is going on, what they might have noticed or feedback they might have gotten so that you can address it immediately.

18:57

So those are the three ways to see that boss getting involved. I hope you found some of this helpful and tips that you can now, you know, have in your toolkit so that if you feel that pebble of your boss lingering too long in meetings and asking too many questions and that pebble starts to become a boulder, you now have the tools to address it,  first to understand it, and then second to address it in a strategic way so that you can continue to lead effectively with your team. So that's...

19:27

That's all I have for you today. Thank you again for joining this conversation, listening, being so committed to becoming an even better leader that you are taking time for podcasts like this. I appreciate it so much. I hope we can stay in community. And if it's something that you are interested in, please just follow us on LinkedIn or DM us directly on LinkedIn. We'd be happy to answer questions and maybe even include a question in an upcoming podcast. So definitely shoot us some notes.

19:55

All of this will be in the show notes, so if you didn't catch it, don't worry, just read the show notes and you'll get what you need. Again, thank you so much for being a part of this community, and I'll see you next time. Bye.