Episode 7: When Your Gut Says “Something’s Off” but the Culture Says “Be Grateful”

Have you ever felt your chest tighten in a meeting while everyone else nods along? In this episode, I talk about the red flag that appears when your intuition is sounding the alarm but your workplace culture tells you to smile, be grateful, and stay quiet. We will cover why ignoring your gut erodes self-trust, how “be grateful” can become subtle silencing, and what to do instead. You will learn practical tools like logging your triggers to spot patterns, reframing gratitude without losing your voice, and turning to your community for a reality check so you move with clarity and confidence. Your intuition is not a liability. It is your leadership edge.

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Transcript

Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of She Leads and Succeeds, a podcast that goes beyond surface-level leadership chatter and focuses on real talk, real strategy, and radical support. My name is LaToya Jordan, and I am thrilled to be back with another episode of this podcast where I share my insights from my experiences as an executive and now supporting executives. And I want to be able to pull back the curtain in order to help leaders like you move through their leadership journey in a way that gets them to something. I don't know what. Yeah, I'm going to cut that part out. I'm just going to keep talking. that brings them to a space where they are able to be authentic and effective all at the same time. So if you've been following me in this season, you know that I wanted to focus my work in this season and my thoughts on what I would call red flags that leaders tend to trip over in their journey. And what often happens, and by the time they become a client of mine, often they have reached a level where that red flag, y'all, has now become a burning inferno. And instead of something that they can quickly squash and mitigate through some clear tools, instead now they're dealing with this big issue that we have to slowly unravel. And so my goal in this season is really to make sure that I'm sharing with you not only the signals of when something is off, but then what to do about it in order to kind of course correct or make some decisions that will help you as a leader. So today's topic is similar, is another one of the red flags that I think leaders often get tripped up on. And I'd like to just kind of frame it as like, The red flag is in your gut is screaming, but the culture is telling you to be grateful and basically silent to you. I'm going to give you, here's a scenario. Think of it this way. You are in meetings or you're reviewing some documents and you feel something in the pit of your stomach. Maybe your chest gets tightened when you're in certain meetings and they're reviewing things. And your voice is just continually telling you, your inside voice is telling you something just isn't right. And so you go to a colleague, a trusted advisor, mentor, or colleague, and instead of backing you up, and even if they've not heard that inside voice for themselves, but instead of supporting you and perhaps giving you some steps to take in order to get underneath what it is that you're feeling, instead, they tell you, You know what? You don't need to question anything. You need to just be grateful. Be grateful that you're finally at this seat, that you have a seat at this table. Don't share that. Don't go to this person with your concerns. Just be grateful. I contend that one of the biggest red flags in leadership is when your gut is telling you something's off but the culture of the organization is telling you be grateful. Don't rock the boat. Just be happy you're finally here. For me, that's not gratitude. That's silencing. That's silencing you. And if you ignore it and if you ignore your gut long enough, it costs you everything because it'll cost your confidence. You'll start to question yourself and is my gut right? What was I thinking? Oh my goodness. I guess I should be grateful. Do I even deserve this seat? You'll just start to question your confidence in spades. It'll also start to affect your health because you will start to stress out and overthink and become anxious about things. And quite frankly, this type of silencing of a leader sometimes even affects your career. So I wanna talk about what those red flags look like in the beginning, why they're so dangerous, and how to best move through it. Because this one is one that is not often talked about, but to me is truly dangerous. So for me, I really wanna start with what I would say is critical point to know when you butt up against this potential red flag and that is that ignoring your gut is just dangerous full stop when you override your intuition to fit into any organization you start to really erode your own self-trust and once you start down that road honey it is a slippery slippery slope and so I Want to just offer you some things to consider in order to prevent that from being your story. First of all, know for sure that intuition is not fluff, is not woo-woo, is not whatever you want to call it. Intuition is your safeguard. It is your... your light that will illuminate things that you need to know in spaces. And so when you lose the ability to feel confident that you can listen to your radar, your leadership radar, it is a problem, full stop. And so suppressing that in order to appear grateful or appear to fit in really disconnects you from the best tool you have, which is your internal compass. Particularly for women and even more for women of color, the stakes are high when y'all do this because now you're just a little bit more like a puppet. You're just kind of Being robotic and saying yes and you lose your spirit, you lose your core, you lose to some extent your identity and your ability to be authentic to what you see, feel and experience. So I am very, very clear that when you start to listen to people that encourage you to silence that intuition, You don't have a compass to know how to move as a leader. It is really that simple. Because then when do you listen to it? You know, like under what conditions is it okay for me to listen to my gut, my core, my what I know to be true versus when is it not? Is it when he says it? I'm not supposed to listen. But when this person says it, it's okay for me to pay attention to my radar. Like it becomes scattered. And so I just tell folks, when you see that, when you hear a culture constantly encouraging you to kind of have a blind eye or cover your ears to your own internal radar, I really don't even know what would be safe or why that would be a good idea ever. And so know that if you feel something's off, it probably is. So don't ignore it. Maybe we need to think about how you deal with it, how you raise it, but don't ignore it for the sake of, I should just be grateful I'm in the room. No ma'am, Pam, that will never fly because that gratitude, that silence means that you are in the room, but you are just an empty vessel that's just smiling and nodding, but not really present because you can't be fully present. And I don't know who wins in that scenario. So what I would encourage you to do instead is to take note of it, take note what you're feeling, and really start to, what I've suggested to clients, let me just actually say it here, what I've suggested folks do is start to take note of when that's happening, whether or not that's a Literal like journaling at the end of the day or at night or even just a little log of when do you notice these moments when your chest gets tightened or you just feel like something's off. Write down the moments when your gut is reacting to something. And then look for any patterns, right? But let this allow you to kind of have the data in writing for yourself, maybe over a period of a week or a month of, you know what? Every time this topic comes up, my chest tightens. That's something for you to pay attention to if you notice a pattern in that over time. So don't turn off your gut. Maybe pause on sharing it with people for right now and just take note of when you're experiencing it. What's the context? Who's speaking? What are they talking about? Just log that for a minute until we see, you know, if there is a pattern emerging. But I also would want you to consider Have you ever experienced this in another organization? Is this something where you find yourself being asked consistently to ignore your good? And if so, what did it cost you in the past to do so? And what is it worth to you now to do the same thing? I think that is a reflection worth having because it could likely illuminate some patterns for yourself about, you know what, I am often told that and I do listen. And then this is the road I went down once I listened and didn't say anything. You know, you'll just start to see your own personal patterns of how you're behaving when and if that has come up for you before. So that's the first tool. One, this tool in and of itself is Take your intuition seriously. It is your radar. It is your compass. And instead of silencing it, maybe say less to those people who are telling you to, you know, just be grateful. Say less to them. But instead, turn inward and start to jot down and create this log that will allow you to see where there is a pattern around your tightness of chest or your, you know, getting that little twinge in your stomach when these things come up. So that's the first tool. The second one is silence. Be clear that this notion of, oh, you just should be grateful is honestly some gaslighting in disguise, y'all. This notion of, oh, you should just be grateful. For what? I earned this. They should be grateful on me. So don't let that notion of being grateful, humble, whatever it is couched in, make you forget who you are and allow it to control you. Because that is where it becomes really, really dangerous. This gratitude culture will tell you not to question, not to push, just be grateful, just sit pretty, just, you know, take notes, just speak when spoken, right? This is all kind of couched in this culture that sometimes gets played out, particularly with women leaders. But it erases our legitimacy to one, have a seat at the table, and two, to have a real concern about what is being expressed. It keeps us as women leaders quiet because now we're spending time questioning, oh wow, am I not showing grateful? I should be grateful. Wow, it took us so long to get here. I am the only woman at this table. I don't want to lose my spot. So in all of that thinking, we've been silenced. This is so toxic. And it is something that I want you to pay attention to as a red flag. And instead of adhering to it, I'd rather you reframe that gratitude in a way that shows your genuine appreciation for this opportunity, but also acknowledging what needs to change. That both things can be true. I am immensely grateful for being the XYZ And I also recognize that I earned that through all of the things that I've done to get here. And I do have some concerns about the strategy we're taking. You see how all that can be true? Why must my gratitude mean I can't question? Is that for everybody in the room or just me? That is what I want us to interrogate and to stand 10 toes down in both gratitude for our journey to get there and also stand 10 toes down in our ability to question with our excellence and our knowledge, question the things that we need to question, that our gut and our compass as a leader is telling us to question. Ladies, both can be true and should be true because that is the leadership role that we have been held, that we currently hold. And the expectation that our team and the organization has of us holding that seat. If all we're going to do is sit there and smile pretty for the cameras, then wow, what a waste of an opportunity. And I don't think when people say that, that they really understand the complexity of what they are saying. Sometimes it's people who... Might have gone through hell to get to that seat and they just don't want us to lose our footing right it could come from such a genuine loving space right like oh gosh no we can't lose our grip on where we what we've attained but it also is riddled with incorrect information and an incorrect posture that I just see as such a red flag because it will absolutely erode our ability to lead effectively in these organizations. So if in fact you do get that kind of notion, just remember to figure out a way to marry your gratitude, not only for the seat, but your journey to get there, and also I'm also grateful for the opportunity to be able to ask questions and interrogate this work, right? That it would be another tool that I would encourage you to use. And then the final thing that I would have you consider as a tool to move through this red flag is that you have to trust yourself and stay close to a community where you can be yourself, right? I know I'm not crazy, but let me go to my people and make sure I'm not crazy. Y'all, am I crazy? This is where community matters so much. And if you don't, if you haven't lost your trust in yourself by that whole, you ought to be grateful. Let me, you know, you should just be quiet and just sit here. If you have, if you're, if you're sitting there, but you're still like, I don't think I'm crazy. I do think my, you know, my spidey sense says that this is a little bit off. Before you lose yourself, run, don't walk, to your community, to your trusted advisors, to your kitchen cabinet, to your crew, to whomever it is. Get into that community and check in. And these moments, these are the moments where that community matters so much because they will remind you, your community will remind you that you are not crazy. and they will help you to reset and kind of get your back back erect so that you can move forward in the way that you need to. The worst thing to do when you're in this type of red flag is to remain isolated because it's going to make you constantly second guess yourself without anyone kind of ending that cycle, like disrupting or interrupting that cycle. So you're just spinning without anyone stopping you from spinning. But that reality check from your community really helps to separate bias that might be going on and true critique. Maybe they can give you real talk and say, you know what? Actually, I think that you just have a thing against Bob. And every time he says something, your chest tightens because you don't like Bob. I don't think it has anything to do with the strategy. And you're like, you know what girl, you are absolutely right. You know he gets under my skin. And that might be the check in that you needed. Or they might be like, you know what girl, I had that same thought when I saw that slide go up. You know what I mean? But you need that kind of real uh space where you trust the people who can kind of check in with you and and let you know is this real or are you are you bugging out right now friend so staying connected with your sponsors your allies your um like i said your kitchen cabinet anyone that can um help you mute what you're hearing out in the culture around being grateful. They'll help you to silence that and give you a moment to really reflect on what you are experiencing from that internal leadership compass. So I would encourage if you have that community to phone a friend almost immediately when you hear, you know, that saying of you should be grateful or please don't say anything. You know, you just made it to this seat. Phone a friend immediately. Call someone that you trust and say, here's what my gut is telling me. Am I missing something? And allow them to play that out with you in a way that is healthy, in a way that you can trust because you know that they really do mean for your best. so those are the three things i would recommend if you do find yourself in a culture that is telling you to be grateful while your gut is screaming i think those things will really keep you and help you to not lose your confidence as a leader and instead lead with authentic authenticity lead with your your internal compass fully activated and lead with people who you trust to make sure that you are saying the things that need to be said when, you know, if in fact they need to be said. So if at any point your gut is screaming, but the culture of the organization is telling you to be grateful and to be quiet, don't miss that red flag. Have your spidey senses on and know what is going on. To be clear, gratitude has its place, but it's not at the expense of your truth or your self-confidence. So trust your gut, lean into your community, and remember that your intuition, your leadership compass is not a liability to be silenced. It's in fact your leadership edge. So don't lose your edge, don't lose yourself, and continue to lead authentically and within your own truth. So I hope you found this helpful. conversation and this insight helpful as another tool in your toolkit. I hope in fact that you never need to use it because I hope no one is trying to silence you in your organization. But if in fact it is, I hope you have now some tools to use in order to mitigate it. And quite frankly, like I said, I hope that you don't have to use it, but maybe you know someone who does, right? So you might have a friend that is going through this. And if you do, Share this podcast with them. Maybe they'll find it helpful and they'll be able to leverage the tools in their current situation But either way, I am just so grateful that you joined us for another episode I hope we stay in community on with each other so that not only can I share some insights on this podcast but that you'll be able to send notes to me on our LinkedIn account and offer some questions that I may be able to answer on a future podcast. So join us over there on LinkedIn. I'd love to be in community with you there. And if you have questions, feel free to DM them. Don't worry if I forgot anything or you didn't hear any. No. And if you missed any of this or any of the things that I just offered, Don't worry, they will be in the show notes below. So you can go down below and grab whatever information you need there. But again, thank you for joining us for this episode. I hope we stay in community together and I'll see you next time. And I will speak with you on our next episode. Thanks so much. Bye for now.