Episode 8: When Feedback Dries Up

One of the sneakiest red flags in leadership is when the feedback stops. In this episode, I discuss what it truly means when coaching, stretch assignments, and substantive guidance suddenly disappear. We will unpack why silence is not safety, why vague praise can stall your career, and how to recognize when you are being quietly sidelined instead of developed. I also share how to assess your current feedback flow, how to put yourself back on the radar, and when to bring in external support so your growth never stalls.

Suppose your one-on-ones have turned into status updates, and you cannot remember the last time anyone invested in your development. In that case, this episode will provide you with the tools to course-correct before opportunities pass you by.

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Transcript

LaToya: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to another episode of She Leads and Succeeds, a podcast that goes beyond surface level leadership, chatter and focuses on real talk, real strategies, and radical support. Y'all know I'm Latoya Jordan, and I am just so excited to have you back for another episode where we will use my experience from being an executive in corporate spaces to now coaching executive women across various organizations.

And my goal really is to continue to pull back the curtain on things that women leaders need to be aware of in order to get to where they wanna go in their career. So I will continue on with the theme that we've had all season around really unpacking red flags that many leaders don't even notice until it's too late.

And so I hope that today's topic [00:01:00] and conversation will just yield you having even more tools in your toolkit so that if this ever. Becomes a, something circling around you as a leader, you know how to deal with it. So I'd say one of the sneakiest red flags in leaderships is when feedback stops coming your way, you don't get any real coaching or critiques or stretch assignments.

You know, you get this general, you're doing fine, you're doing okay, and you kind of. Feel like, okay, that's true. Cool. But you also may have in your gut saying, am I like, there's no feedback for me. I noticed that my colleague got this cool assignment or this area that I, I recall you telling me to work on.

There's an opportunity for me to work on it here, but you're not offering me the opportunity. What's going on? Am I really okay? Am I really doing fine? And honestly, I think what is true is that often we will feel the, like the gut telling us, Hmm, is that true? But [00:02:00] we don't, we're, we're, uh, too afraid to interrogate that.

And so we let you know, you're doing fine. Or you know, your boss not being available to really spend quality time with you at one-on-ones, whatever. We just let that slide and we start to just say, be comfortable in the, you're fine. Notion, but in rationality when feedback dries up, it's not that you're being protected, you often, it often means you're being sidelined.

And if you don't catch it early enough, you'll find yourself off the radar of any big opportunity that may come around. And so I want to focus our conversation today on what to do when feedback drives up. And you are in fact. Starting to become off the radar of growth opportunities and future career progression.

Okay, so let's get into it. So the first thing I'll say about this topic is that if in fact you are noticing that you are getting less substantive feedback, you're getting [00:03:00] less direction about your, you know, the way in which you are operating as a leader, don't get comfortable. Don't think that that makes you safe.

Like, oh, they, they, they're nothing the same. You know, everything is good. Perhaps, but maybe not. And so you should pay attention to it and interrogate it to see what might be going on. Right? Because I'll be honest with you, if no one's investing energy in coaching you, it may mean that you're no longer seen as someone on the rise that they're gaze in, you know, considering you for opportunities has shifted.

And so that. Should be a concern to you. I often speak to clients and I'll ask that, like, tell me the kind of feedback your boss has given you, or when's the last time your boss has given you critical feedback on something? And I do that in a way to just get a sense of where, where are your bosses or your possible mentors?

Where are they in their thoughts about you and about your growth potential? And if people. Tell me, you know? [00:04:00] Oh, I mean, no, everything is fine. I don't, you know, we kind of focus on work and, you know, we don't, they don't have much to, you know, offer. I'm like, hmm. Then you know, silence is also is information.

And so I want you to really understand that actionable feedback is a sign. It's a sign of their belief in your potential. And when people stop. Believing in your potential, perhaps not even based on something that you've done. It could be a reason from the market, you know, what the, the industry is, is shifting to.

It could be that there's someone else that they've moved their gaze to. It could be a myriad of reasons why. So don't necessarily take it as an internal like. Thing. But just know that if they're not doing that, if they're not constantly, like, not constantly, but if they're not like working with you to improve that, that there's a, there, there, I always tell my, my kids, you know, correction is love.

Correction means I'm tr I I care enough about you to, to help you and to grow you. And it's somewhat similar in the [00:05:00] workspace. And so often I find that a coaching client will rest on their laurel like, no, don't say anything. Everything is fine. I'm like, well, is it, what do you mean they don't say anything?

Say more about this. Not saying anything. Because to me that is a red flag. They, it, it can mean that they find like, you're in the right seat. No need to, to move anything. No need to do anything. You are where you need to be. And so if that is counter of what you think about yourself and what you want as a career, you know, career plan, then.

Again, this is a red flag for you to pay attention to. Now, I'll be honest, if I wouldn't, it wouldn't be me if I wouldn't. Just make a, a little note here around, in general, there's research that shows that women get less substantive or specific feedback than men, and that limits their advancement. This was done by McKinsey back in 2022, and so as women leaders, you already.

Are gonna be a little bit behind the eight ball on folks giving you that kind of specific feedback. And there's lots of different reasons. Psychologically from a [00:06:00] performance, from a legal perspective, people just get all caught up and nervous, particularly in this political climate. And so that's already gonna be something you're kind of butting up against.

And I still say that if you're not getting it, please, please pay attention to that. Right? It's not something that. Is a compliment. Oh, you're fine. Nothing, nothing to see here. That's not a compliment. It's not development. It's not something that you should neglect. I think you should pay attention to it and know that you deserve more than being kind of padded on your head as if like, oh, you're fine.

Don't worry. What I'm gonna tell you right now is pay attention. I'm not gonna tell you to worry, but I am gonna tell you to pay attention. So you should be thinking about like, when was the last time I received real substantive feedback that could actually help me to grow? Right? Maybe even write that down.

The last pieces of feedback you've gotten, you know, think, think about it. Who gave it to you? Were they actionable? Were they vague? When's the last time you had a [00:07:00] one-on-one with your boss that was beyond just the, the critical work that you are responsible for? You know, when was the last time you were considered for some type of stretch assignment?

Just do your own kind of assessment and review of what, what's been the feedback flow in my life recently. Because there's data that you have and I always say there's a there, there, you know, so take a look, take some time to reflect on that and get an understanding of how you are being developed, how you are being poured into, again, it's not to worry.

But it is to be aware. So the second point I'll make is to remember that without feedback, your visibility actually strengths. Because feedback isn't just about growth, it's about staying visible in succession planning and promotion conversations. This is something that I was responsible for for many years at my last organization and.

That is, it is very true. We talk about those [00:08:00] who we are considering for future roles, and a part of that conversation relates to how do we develop them and prepare them for this, this potential future role. And so if you're not getting that feedback, if your boss isn't building that up in you, it means you're not being considered.

If they're not someone who's coming, talking about you and. You know, can be improved and, and ready for some other role, or, you know, growth in your own role, then that totally impacts and negatively impacts your ability to be considered for those roles. So think of it this way. No. Feedback equals no advocacy.

Right? Like, make that the direct correlation because advocating for, I mean, she's perfect. Don't change, you know, she's perfect. She's ready. Don't change. There are some purple unicorns like that in our conversations that we've, I've had with leaders in the past. But by and large, getting you ready for the next role requires [00:09:00] something.

And so your boss should be bringing feedback to you for that. If no one's shaping your path, that means no one's talking about your future, right? And so that is where you should be kind of thinking critically about what might I do in order to make sure that my visibility doesn't shrink? The You are fine.

Don't change or you're fine. Everything is fine. Yeah, it's great. You're seen as reliable. You're seen as, you know, holding the down the floor in at this level, but it's not that you're seen as a strategic player for other roles, and that's where I want you to see the difference. So without feedback, your leadership brand really becomes kind of stagnant.

And opportunities will most definitely pass you by. There might be things that relate to your, what you're currently seen as good as, and you may be able to move and groove through those types of roles. But as far as stretch roles and other things, you know, those opportunities will become [00:10:00] less and less.

If you're not giving feedback to improve and get better. So you wanna be careful when you hear, you know, those types of the language of, of feedback being you're fine or everything is okay, or your feedback is focusing more on things like your personality. Oh, you're so kind, you're so nice, you're so friendly, you know, thank you for helping out with that, that social, try to be careful of things that are personality based or gender role based and not skills based.

Right. Focusing on how can I build financial acumen because I wanna, I wanna run a p and l next, right? I know that there are opportunities to become a senior leader and some of our, our offices overseas. What do I need to do to be ready for that? You wanna hear 'em talking about those things, not about things related solely to your personality.

Like you're kind, or you are so inviting when new people start. Lovely, lovely things, but they're not [00:11:00] things that will signal the type of of feedback you need to advance. And the one thing I'll also add is that you shouldn't be a afraid to actively seek that type of feedback, right? If you are getting the kind of soft shoe types of feedback asked directly for more substantive work, more substantive feedback.

I remember there was an article about this a while ago from Korn Ferry, and they said that leaders who actively seek feedback are more likely to be identified as successors, mainly because they're one, they're seen as taking their, their career seriously. Two, they're getting that feedback that I'm telling y'all you need in order to grow into these roles.

They, they now, they have the map, they have the blueprint. They're being told specifically what they need. Now they had to ask for it, but that's all right. You be one of those people that ask for it, and that will help you as well. So. Know that visibility isn't vanity, it's survival. So if no one's giving you feedback, it's because they've stopped [00:12:00] imagining you in the next role.

So don't wait for that meeting to happen, and then your name is not on the list. Be direct. Ask for that type of feedback so that perhaps your name can be a part of the conversations when those conversations happen. But without that feedback, trust and believe that your, your visibility is shrinking. So ask directly for that feedback.

Maybe in your next one-on-one, say something like, you know, what's one thing I could be working on to grow? Or, what's one thing I can do differently to prepare for the next level? You know, put yourself back on the radar. Don't just sit back and wait for that to happen for you. Okay. So the final thing I'll say on this topic is that if you.

Start it and you're noticing that, you know, you're not getting that kind of direct feedback about your performance or ways to grow, and then you ask directly and maybe you're not, you're still not getting what you are hoping to hear. Listen, don't wait too long and continue to try to impress upon those [00:13:00] internally to help you to grow.

That's the time to then go and get external support. When internal coaching stops, it's time to just invest in external perspectives. Whether or not that's mentors from professional organizations or other walks of lives, sponsors, maybe there's a sponsor in your organization, but it's not your direct boss or your direct line, but there's a sponsor or a coach.

But you need someone who won't sugarcoat it, who will give you that real feedback that is going to help you to get better. And prepare you for the next role. Leaders at the top really get consistent internal feedback because when you're at the top, the next level, it's so extremely busy that they're not able to always give you lots of time in order to dig into feedback.

So external coaches or mentors provide that, you know, reality check and strategy for you to grow, and they. Can create time for that for you. So it's important that you find [00:14:00] those types of individuals to help you, who will have time to help grow you in these ways. It's also important to stay in community, right?

This is something that is big for me. If you listen to other episodes, you know that I'm big on community. And so here's another time where staying in community keeps you from. Normalizing this stagnation that you're like talking to your colleagues or you're seeing others in your professional sphere growing or getting these opportunities and you're like, wait a second.

Oh, I guess. I guess it's not okay for me to still be in this role or still be doing this thing for this long 'cause I see my peers doing these other things. Now, let me say parenthetically, if, if where you are sitting is where you wanna sit and where you always wanna sit, bam be bam. That's amazing, right?

Great. But this, this is more for if you are looking to grow, being in community and seeing others growing. And you are still stagnant, will just allow you to have that kind of sense of like, oh yeah. [00:15:00] I have been, been doing this for this long and probably should be at least doing some stretch experiences so I can learn and, and even be innovative in my current space.

So yeah, I should be doing that. So that's a part of what being a community and, and being around others in your similar. Situation can help you to see. It also can be when you're in community, it also can be a way for you to be given feedback from those that are doing similar work as you. You don't always have to get feedback from someone higher.

You can get feedback or have peer coaching done with those that are doing similar work as you. You can also get coaching from those that are in other industries or other types of of roles because. There are just certain things that they may be able to see or offer that will be unique and help you in a different way.

So I encourage you to surround yourself and to connect with people who can pour into you, who can sharpen you, who can give you real [00:16:00] feedback, real suggestions, real strategies to grow. But what I want you to make sure you hear me say though is you cannot afford to wait for your organization to remember you have potential.

You have to go to wherever you need to go to get the, the substantive feedback, the developmental feedback you need in order to be ready for a role. You need to get that type of feedback so that you are ready and you can show your potential. So if your organization is not able to do that for whatever.

The reason is whether or not is they no longer see you that way, or whether or not it is that they're, you know, a little shy, maybe they're just really busy, whatever it is, you sitting there and waiting and resting on the laurels of, oh, you're fine. It's not gonna get you any further along, so. Taking a step back and looking out into your external environment and figuring out who can help me?

Is it a mentor? Is it a sponsor? Is it a coach? Is it a peer mentor who [00:17:00] can help me to get the type of feedback and insight I need in order to grow my career? That is something you should be doing right away once you realize that this is a situation you're facing. So if you are inside of this organization and you're not getting the feedback you need to help you to grow your career, listen, don't continue to wait.

Don't continue to wait. Instead, get external voices who see you and who are interested in. Investing in you and helping you to sharpen your, your skills and your ability to be ready for that next world. But waiting quietly is often how leaders get left behind. So I would much rather you take the time to scan your environment and figure out who you can talk to, whether again, it's a coach, a mentor, a sponsor, a peer.

Across industry, but who can you lean on that will give you what you need in order to grow? [00:18:00] When you do that, I want you to run. Don't walk to book that sounding board right? Run. Don't walk and send that email to that person and say, Hey, can we talk? I'm really interested in building out my financial acumen, and I remember you had some experience there.

Would you mind if we schedule a 30 minute coffee chat just so I can tell you a little bit about where I am in that space and maybe get some feedback from you on what I should be doing in order to build that acumen. Right. You wanna just do it quickly, expeditiously, as I like to say, schedule time to get their perspective on what you need to do to grow in any one particular area, or to get their perspective on your leadership trajectory writ large.

So to recap, I wanna just remind you all that when feedback dries up, please don't get comfortable. See it for what it could be, which is it could in fact be a red flag. Silence means stagnation. It means you know you're gonna be just seen in the same way and everything is fine, but there's [00:19:00] no growth in that, right?

It's not safety, it's stagnation. And so you wanna make sure that you aren't stagnant, that even if you love the seat you're in, there's still growth in that seat. Right. So feedback is just essential to just keep us all vibrant and alive. The other thing I, I wanna just remind you all of is that when you are not getting feedback, it really does mean that your visibility is shrinking in the rooms where it matters.

And so you wanna make sure if in fact you want to be. Someone growing their career that you are actively seeking out feedback, whether or not it's from your direct boss or you are going and seeking external support to keep you sharp and truly ready for the future. If all you're hearing is silence or this kind of light, loose, vague praise.

Please don't sit there just feeling grateful. It's a red flag y'all. So ask hard questions. Put yourself back on the radar and [00:20:00] get the support you need because your career isn't just about keeping the seat you have, it's about moving into the one that you deserve and that you want to have for your career.

So I hope you found this. Information helpful. I hope I added some tools to your toolkit as leaders. It's something that just continues to be a true passion for me to make sure that you see things for what they are when they start, and not wait until we're in a place of calamity when you have to kind of dig yourself out of a hole.

So I hope you found this helpful and if, and I also hope this is not your situation, right? I hope that you are being poured into that. You are getting the feedback you need. But if you're not. Please use the tools that I just offered as a way to move through and move out of it. And if this is not your situation, again, I hope it's not, but you know, someone who is experiencing this.

Please share this podcast episode with them so that they have the tools that they need in order to grow and move through this. As always, please stay in community with us on [00:21:00] LinkedIn. Please follow and, you know, DM me with any questions you might have about this episode or some other, and I love, love, love questions, right?

Because who knows, I may be able to compile a series of questions and make that an episode. So feel free to send your questions our way and. If you missed anything, don't worry. 'cause it's gonna be down below in the show notes. So take a look down there if you need any direct information that you might've missed.

And as always, thank you for taking some time outta your busy day to arm yourself for what you need to be an effective leader. It's not lost on me that you took time to spend time with me today. So thank you and I look forward to seeing you and you hearing from me on our next episode. Thank you so much.

Bye for now.