Episode 9: When Being a “Good Soldier” Holds You Back

There is a red flag many women leaders never see coming. It is the moment when being the dependable one, the fixer, the go to problem solver, quietly turns into a ceiling on your career. In this episode, I talk about how overdelivering and saying yes too often can trap you in maintenance work rather than in strategic opportunities. We explore why being indispensable in the wrong ways keeps you boxed in, how office housework drains your bandwidth, and why constant execution can erase your leadership edge.

You will learn how to audit your workload for high-effort, low-visibility tasks, how to protect your growth by being more intentional with your yeses, and how to shift from being an order taker to shaping the agenda. Suppose you have ever felt stuck in the “reliable executor” lane despite working harder than everyone around you. In that case, this episode will help you break the pattern and step into the strategic leadership you were hired for.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of She Leads and Succeeds, a podcast that goes beyond surface level leadership chatter and moves more directly to real talk, real strategies, and radical support. Y'all know me by now. I'm Latoya Jordan, and I'm so excited to be able to share insights from my experience as an executive in corporate spaces, as well as now supporting executives in spaces throughout the world.

My intention in this work continues to be to just really pull back the curtain on some things that I have found many leaders miss or are unaware of in their journey as a leader. And so I hope this episode does a little bit of the same. So in this season, I think, you know, that we've been spending time unpacking red flags, things that I have seen leaders stumble on because they didn't notice it when it was a red flag.

[00:01:00] And by the time they do notice it, it's because it's, you know, blazing red and, and it's a burning inferno, or you know, something that now becomes way more insurmountable. And so my true intention and hearts. Desire is to share with you those red flags so that you can have your spidey senses on and notice them when they are small and percolating versus large, and a huge challenge for you.

To overcome today's episode, I thought I would offer a somewhat of a, a different slant to what we talked about in the last episode relative to this thing that might be a red flag relative to your growth or promotional opportunities. This one is. A different spin on that. And it's about what happens when you are stuck being kind of a good soldier, right?

You're in the, she's doing great work. She's a great executor lane, but in doing so, it kind of. Tempers your opportunities to grow. So let's get [00:02:00] into it. Let me offer the setting of the said stage. Hmm. So here we go. Think of it this way and this, and think about whether or not this sounds familiar to you or to someone that you know who may be going through this.

But you're someone that everyone counts on. You're the dependable one. You're the fixer. You're the one who thinks of an idea and immediately executes the one who never drops a ball. It sounds amazing. It sounds like something you'd wanna strive for, but then you kind of look around and realize that being this good executed, this good soldier, if you will, has you trapped because you're over here delivering and firefighting and saying yes to everything while other people are being tapped for, you know, the more bigger strategic moods.

And you're over here doing, let's call it maintenance work. This isn't about your capability, please hear me. This is more about being boxed in by your own excellence, by your own ability to execute at such levels. And so what you miss though is that by working in this way, [00:03:00] it becomes to some extent a red flag, such that now you are seen in that light, seen in this good soldier lane and not seen.

Having time or space to do and be tapped for things that are more strategic and that, my dear, is why it's a red flag. So let's unpack this a little bit. The reason why I'm gonna call it a red flag are for a few different points. And the first one is that this idea of over-delivering actually creates its own ceiling.

Right, because if you are someone who are doing all the things right, you are executing in these amazing way things that perhaps are outside of your purview, right? You're someone, like I said, who is saying yes to things. You're firefighting, you're delivering, you're even delivering things that are, you know, these great new ideas and you become really indispensable at this executing.

But you're indispensable in the wrong way, and it actually keeps you stuck [00:04:00] because now people see you doing these things and may not see you in the light of perhaps doing other things, or they see you as too busy to give you other opportunities. The organization sees you as essential, but not necessarily elevated.

And the crazy part is that you're typ typically are rewarded with more work to do. But not more influence. Right? When you overdeliver, it actually teaches people to keep you in a lane that they're comfortable with you. In particularly for women and, and even women of color, we're often disproportionately asked to do the heavy lifting, lifting of things that are kind of seen as like office housework, right?

They're critical, but they're not. Career builders. In fact, they're actually career stallers because your plate is so full with this office housework that folks will be like, oh, well she's too busy doing the, I don't know, the end of year. Gala [00:05:00] that we can't really put her on that strategic project. Right.

Um, there's been a lot of talk about this in academic press. Um, I know, I remember HBR did something around how women are often assigned this housework and sometimes we do it because we, you know, we're good at it or it's something we actually do think is important to, for the organization, but. We build our plate with these types of things and then therefore we're not able to do the things that might be seen as more strategic.

So know that this notion of excellence, this notion of getting the work done over delivering can sometimes be a trap. A trap because you're so good at it that sometimes is they can't imagine you doing anything else. Oh my gosh. Who else would be good to do the end of the year event, right? And yes, it's a compliment.

But it's also a ceiling, and so it will be important for you to kind of think about, man, where am I overdelivering in a way that actually isn't moving my career forward? Where am I seeing yes. [00:06:00] When I don't need to and, and where is it filling my plate so much that I can't say yes to the things that may be more strategic.

This is a time when it would be helpful for you to pause and audit your workload outside of your critical requirements to your leadership role. Look at what task you're doing that are high effort, low visibility, and start planning on how you might be able to either delegate those things to someone else or reframe them so they can be seen in a more strategic light.

So when you, when you think about it, hopefully now you're starting to see how this kind of overdelivering can become, you know, an impediment. So let's get into what I would say is another way to see this over-delivery as something that could affect you, affect your ability to grow in leadership. Think of it this way.

When you are someone who is a reliable yes, that keeps the, the engine moving in the organization, that's, that can, you can feel really proud of that. But when you're always a yes [00:07:00] person, it actually sometimes erases your leadership edge because they're, they people start to see you as someone who's gonna take on anything and it, it means that.

You're not thinking critically or strategically about what you say yes to, right? It's like, you know, if she says that's yes to everything, then you know what, what is, what does matter to her? What are things that is really her zone of genius, her niche. Because she's just saying yes to everything. To some extent.

It can dilute your authority. You become everyone's favorite, but not always respected as a leader. 'cause you're just someone that keeps collecting stuff and just taking it on boundaries. It's, it's a shock when I share this with clients, but when you set boundaries, you actually are creating your leaders, your leadership presence.

Without them, you start to look like support staff. You start to look like someone who is just willing to go along to get along, not someone who's a strategist. Right. And so this and this notion of wanting to be a good team [00:08:00] player, saying yes to every opportunity, 'cause every opportunity matters there is.

Some discernment that has to happen and what you choose to say yes to and what you say no to. And in that people start to respect your nos just as much as your yeses. But when you always say yes, it just really shifts how people see you. And it's kind of like, you know, if you, if you think of like a meme where someone is just like constantly getting things added onto their, into their arms and you actually stop seeing their face.

Right. Instead, you could say yes to some things and no to others as it aligns to where you want to go and grow. That is how you kind of maintain your presence as a leader. You can't Yes. Your way into leadership, and particularly you can't Yes. Your way into where you're trying to grow every Yes. That isn't s.

Is a no to your growth. I really need you to know that. And it was something that was hard for a client of mine to understand because she saw it [00:09:00] as, wow, they're asking me to do it. It must be a big deal. It must be important. I have to say yes. And I said, okay. Let's talk through the yes. Where, where does this get you?

What, why, why else would you say yes, verse besides. Well, they're asking, so why? You know, this must be important. This must be a thing for me to do. Tell me more about how does this play into your larger strategic leadership portfolio? And as we start to play with that a bit, she realized that she was saying yes.

'cause she felt like. If I say no, I won't look like I'm a team player, or I won't, they may not ask me again. Or, you know, there were these other things that were clouding her judgment versus this being an important chess move in her strategic growth as a leader. And once we unpacked that, she realized that, hmm, this is probably not the right thing.

And we started to play with how much time was it gonna, um, require? What type of resources was she gonna have in doing it? We started to play around with some things and she started realizing that this idea. It was not a good one, and I was like, yes, I get, I get the value of [00:10:00] wanting to, you know, not lose a chance, you know, but it has to be the right chance.

The wrong chances y'all can lose. You can put 'em on a wayside and see what happens. Right? And it, and then it's a way to say no. And you can have someone help you to sort through how you say no. But you don't always have to say yes in order to feel like, okay, good. They, you know, they see me as someone that they can ask for things of, and I'm gonna say yes, and I'm gonna execute at the top of my ability and you know, I'm gonna show them.

Hmm. Sometimes what you show them is I'm gonna say yes to everything, and that is not. The look that you want at at an executive level. So I'd have you think about what was the last thing you said yes to that you knew you should have, but you did it because you were, you were concerned about something else, not necessarily the work.

You were more concerned about how that might be seen. And I would encourage you to just. Maybe start to set a goal on how often you say no, you know, maybe this week you say no, you de you know, you decline something, um, that doesn't align to your, your role [00:11:00] or your growth. But then maybe next quarter you, you say yes to something that does.

Right? And there's a way that you say it. You know, you know, I, I don't think this is the best use of my focus right now. Or, you know, we're up against something really big on my team and I really need to devote my, my energy there. Um. How might I help you find someone else? Even if you wanna, you know, throw that bone out there, but you don't necessarily need to say yes to everything.

'cause if you do, it really, really does affect how you're seen. I don't know if you all remember this commercial, but it was like, oh, give it to Mikey. He'll eat anything. That's kind of how it becomes, right. Give it to Susan, she'll take anything. She'll do anything. Right. That is just not, that's not cute.

That's not where we wanna live as, as executive women. Um, we wanna be strategic, we wanna be thoughtful. Why are you asking me? That could actually be another follow up question. I'm curious, what made you think of me for this, for this project, right? Because maybe there's something there, there may be a there, there that you do want to lean into and leverage, [00:12:00] but.

Exploit that. Get some intel before you say yes. And Ida offer to keep that commercial in mind. Give it to Mikey. He'll eat anything that is not how you wanna be viewed, um, at the executive level. So the final thing I'd wanna offer about this. Um, that I think I've seen quite a few people get caught up in, and I mentioned it a, a second ago, this idea of like, you know, I finally have a seat at the table, so my posture is Yes, yes, sure, of course, of course I'll do that.

I'm excited. Right. You're just so enthused to be there that you find yourself, particularly in the beginning of your. Senior leader journey, you, you're just excited and you wanna jump into, into any spaces that you have an opportunity to do so. But just remember that in doing so, you start to become an order taker, right?

And leaders don't just execute orders. They shape agendas. And those are two very different posture. [00:13:00] And so you wanna make sure that you are shifting how you show up such that you are someone that is setting an agenda and not just executing someone else's orders. You wanna move from a task taker to a, the agenda setter, right?

You, you feel that difference. And listen, I'm not being crazy. I know that there are times when you are gonna take task and execute, but it has to be in a lot in alignment to the agenda that you set. To the work that you are leading and things of that nature. But when you start to take task for, let's go back to office housework, that is when it starts to erode your posture and how you are seen.

So you wanna make sure that you are someone who is branded as a visionary, that is setting a vision and not just someone who is seen as being dependable again. Different posture. You wanna advocate for assignments that require things such as like influence, risk, innovation, not just [00:14:00] saying yes to any and everything.

It's, it's like you are shifting how you are being seen and stepping into the driver's seat of your career, of your leadership growth, and of your leadership journey. So again, it's not one of saying, oh, I can't do it. It's just elevating what you do and how you do it. Right, because again, if you keep showing up in a way, you're showing people how to treat you and how to see you.

I gotta tell you, this is really, really important to me, particularly when it comes to women in leadership, because when I have been at those scenes where we're talking about succession and we're talking, you know, trying to identify people, often the language becomes around. Who's a strategic thinker? Who do we see in their work taking risks?

What types of projects have they been on that has led to some innovative discovery or things like that? Those are things that literally are part of the conversation. And so when women are riddled with office [00:15:00] work and office house work, right? They are so weighed down with that. They don't often get to show up in these strategic risk taking innovative ways, and so it becomes this.

Ugly cycle, quite frankly, because you're, you're, you're so busy doing those things. You can't show up in these other ways. There is data that shows that leaders identified as strategic thinkers are 2.5 times more likely to be promoted than reliable executors. You see, you see the difference in the posture and then how they are seen, and then how people then intend to work with them.

It is really that simple. I would just really encourage you to consider that, you know, being a good soldier will keep you working. And working hard forever. But when you put yourself in the driver's seat and you start to say yes to strategic work, to works that show how you have the ability to take risk and to innovate, now you're putting yourself in charge of the road ahead for yourself, in charge of the road that you wanna [00:16:00] move in as a leader and in your leadership journey.

So you weren't built, you weren't put in the seek to just follow orders, right? You were. Put in the seat. You have, you know, the fire in your belly to lead. And so in doing so, you need to set more of the agenda and not just follow orders. So reflect on that, right? What is one agenda or idea that you wanna shape instead of waiting for someone to hand it to you?

And what is something that you're like, no, I'm all set. I don't need to be involved in that at all. Right. Maybe think about that. Maybe reflect and journal about about that. What is something you'd love to see the organization do? That aligns with your passion, your vision, your strategic agenda for your own career, right?

And. Pitch one of those ideas to someone in your next meeting, right? Don't just wait and wait for someone to talk to you about the next thing they want you to do. Propose an idea, show where you like to take things, right? That's moving [00:17:00] things in the driver's seat, and you've taken the lead. Your career growth.

Growth. So I hope that you can see now how being this, what I call good soldier, someone that's known for over-delivering and saying, yes, it, it, it, it looks good. It may maybe even feel safe to you, right? And it feels like, oh, I'm doing important work for the organization. But it is quite frankly, a red flag that you're being boxed in and honestly being put in a space where you are at capacity and then unable to do more strategic things.

Over delivery actually creates a ceiling. Saying yes, too much keeps you small, keeps you in a lane that prevents you from doing more. So shifting to this driver's seat is how you break the pattern. Making yourself show up in more strategic ways. Proposing things instead of accepting things is a way to break that pattern of being a good soldier and moving into a space where you are seen as [00:18:00] strategic.

Leader, leader that has promise for growth. So if you're being praised as someone who is dependable, the fixer, the good soldier, take note. Listen, have your spidey Sens since it's on, because that's not. Your leadership identity, it's actually, quite frankly, a holding pattern. It's keeping you in a lane that you don't wanna stay in.

So stuck out of that lane, start setting agendas that align to where you wanna grow, because you weren't built to just carry the load and do the office work. You were built to lead. And in doing so, you. Can get to where you wanna be. So I really, really, really hope that that was helpful to you. It's something that you can see I'm very passionate about because I've sat in those seat where I'm talking about women and I get so frustrated because I see how hard we're working in these organizations, but we're working on the wrong things.

And so if that is you, if you, you feel something as you're listening to this, you're like, hmm. I might have said yes too many times. Listen, pause this. Go back and listen to this episode again so that you can [00:19:00] take the notes that you need in order to make some pivots. Audit. What did you say yes to? When you known you should have said no.

Where could you start to say no more? And then what is it a strategic idea you have that you can propose and put yourself in the driver's seat? I hope you found this episode helpful as another set of tools in your toolkit as a leader. If this is not you, which I really do hope it's not, if it ever becomes you, you now have the tools that you can pull out of that toolkit and use.

Also, if you know someone that might be going through this, please feel free to forward this podcast to her. Hopefully, this is something that she can leverage immediately to get out of that. Lane of being a good soldier and in the lane of being a strategic thought partner to the organization. Thank you again for being here and, and gathering some insights from my experience.

I really hope you found it helpful. Know that the show notes will have all the things you need, all the comments that I made written for you down below. So feel free to take a look at that. And please, please, please. Stay in [00:20:00] community with me, go onto LinkedIn and follow me. If you have questions, join, feel free to DM and ask me direct questions.

Who knows, I may be able to pull together enough questions to make that an episode where I just do questions and answers from you all. So feel free to ask any questions you may have in LinkedIn just sending us a dm. And again, thank you. It's not lost on me that you took some time today to listen to what I have to offer, and I truly, truly am grateful.

Right until next time.